Spacer's Guide to the Frontier: part 13

Shadow Shack's picture
Shadow Shack
November 2, 2007 - 4:58am

"Why Starships are Better than Women"

Your starship doesn't get upset when you forget its' birthday.

You don't have to talk to your starship after you ride it.

You can choke your starship.

Your starship doesn't get mad when you ignore it for a month or so.

Starship don't get jealous if you come home with grease under your fingernails.

Starships don't snore.

Starships won't wake you up at 3:00 AM and ask you if you love them.

Your starship won't leave you for another pilot.

You don't have to pay child support / alimony to an ex-starship.

If your starship doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

If your starship is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.

If your starship is too loose, you can tighten it.

If the rear is too fat, you can make it thinner. And vice versa.

If the front is too small, you can make it larger. And vice versa.

If your starship smokes, you can do something about it.

It's okay to use restraints on your starship.

Starships always feel like going for a ride.

Starships don't care about how many other starships you have handled.

Starships don't care about how many other starships you have.

Starships don't care if you are late.

Starships don't get pregnant.

Starships don't have parents.

Starships don't verbally insult you if you have poor control.

Starships don't mind if you look at other starships, or if you buy starship magazines.

Starships last longer.

Starships only need their fluids changed every 3,000 light years.

Starships' curves never sag.

New starships must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them. Same thing applies to used ones. And they won't get jealous if you rent one either.

You and your starship both arrive at the same time.

You can kick your starship to wake it up.

You can share your starship with your friends.

You can't get diseases from a starship you don't know very well. But protection is still an option.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your starship.

You don't have to convince your starship that you're a pilot and that you think that starships are equals.

You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your starship.

Your starship never wants a night out alone with the other starships.

Your parents don't remain in touch with your old starship after you dump it.

Your starship doesn't care what you're wearing when you take it out.

The rashes you get from starship go away without those painful Penicillin shots.

No one ever gets in trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the starship in their basement.

Disassembling the starship is done out of pleasure rather than need.

Starships always sound pleasant.

Starships don't whine unless something is really wrong.

When you tell a starship you're a pilot, she won't think it's a pickup line.

You can tell your freinds what you did with your starship the night before and not have to worry about offending anyone.

If a starship has a problem with where you're going, you can reprogram her.

A starship won't stalk you after you dump her.

When your starship gets 'loaded', you don't have to watch what you say.

A starship will go as long as you want, and won't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of it.

Starship logic is easy to understand.

If you spend an hour heating up a starship's engine, she won't mind if you stop to go hang out with the

After 100,000 parsecs, your just breaking a starship in.

Owners of starships have clubs, as opposed to support groups.

Starship swapping is openly accepted.

You can 'unscrew' your starship.

If you're tired of listening to your starship, you can turn her off.

When you tell your friends 'it's what's inside that counts', you're telling the truth.

A starship won't tell you what to do, how to do it, or remind you that you were wrong.

A starship doesn't mind doing all the work while you lay there and enjoy the ride.

Your starship won't complain after a long jump.

No one ever writes articles on how to be a 'more sensitive pilot'.

Your starship won't change your destination in the middle of a jump.

Your starship is preprogramed with all the star-routes, so you don't have to read the map or ask for directions.

If another starship is harassing you, you can tell your starship to kick her @ss!

You don't have to change your lifestyle for your starship.

Starships always like it rough and wild.

You can bring a different colored one home to your parents.

I'm not overly fond of Zeb's Guide...nor do I have any qualms stating why. Tongue out

My SF website

CleanCutRogue's picture
November 2, 2007 - 6:31pm
3. We wear sungoggles during the day. Not because the sun affects our vision, but when you're cool like us the sun shines all the time.

-top 11 reasons to be a Yazirian, ShadowShack

Anonymous's picture
Corjay (not verified)
November 2, 2007 - 6:54pm