 April 16, 2010 - 8:04pm | 1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. < 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace". 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy." 27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 34. Drum on every available surface. 35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. 37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks. 39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 41. Set alarms for random times. 42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. 44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 45. Honk and wave to strangers. 46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. 47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. 49. Wear your pants backwards. 50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 53. only type in lowercase. 54. dont use any punctuation either 55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. 61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now." 62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 73. Drive half a block. 74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 75. Ask people what gender they are. 76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back. 77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". 79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. 81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 86. Wear a LOT of cologne. 87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 88. Sing along at the opera. 89. Mow your lawn with scissors. 90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 96. Never make eye contact. 97. Never break eye contact. 98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. 99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. 102. Make a 101 list with 102 entries. 3. We wear sungoggles during the day. Not because the sun affects our
vision, but when you're cool like us the sun shines all the time. |
 April 16, 2010 - 8:32pm | Name a your dog "Stay" Time flies when your having rum. Im a government employee, I dont goof-off. I constructively abuse my time. |
 April 16, 2010 - 9:23pm | Post a list like this on sf.us. |
 April 16, 2010 - 10:03pm | dont just tap on your glass eye with a pen but take it out and insist your date touch it- I had a girl friend do that to me. just not my cup of tea. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
 April 17, 2010 - 4:05am | 55. BORROW a large quantity of orange traffic cones FROM ONE STREET and reroute ANOTHER street. Fixed that for ya! Bonus points if you also relocate the flashing chevron trailer/sign. Then count how many weeks/months it takes your state's DOT to figure it out... |
April 17, 2010 - 4:07am | 103. Run your air compressor at 3:00am and cut/grind random bits of scrap steel, then between cuttings whack them repeatedly with a 5 pound sledge hammer. |
April 17, 2010 - 12:17pm | put some cheap porn on the DVD player for continuous play, turn up the volume, face the speakers to the apartment wall (towards the annoying neighbors), and leave for the weekend. Time flies when your having rum. Im a government employee, I dont goof-off. I constructively abuse my time. |
April 17, 2010 - 3:00pm | LOL, I have a Yamaha keyboard that has a "demo" mode that randomly switches through the various different sound bank and rhythm selections. You can set the tempo from megaslow to hyperspeed. I used to hook mine up tot he amplifier on the megaslow tempo and let it run as I left the apartment. |
April 17, 2010 - 8:23pm | Post a list like this on sf.us. I thought it a nice diversion. Just what we needed :-P3. We wear sungoggles during the day. Not because the sun affects our
vision, but when you're cool like us the sun shines all the time. |
April 19, 2010 - 3:27am | "Just what we needed" meaning an off topic thread where we can all naturally manage staying on topic? Darn sneaky lil' cuss you are, Bill  (which I don't find annoying at all) |
 April 19, 2010 - 4:40pm | I named my cat "Kitty". #. Say "Shhh. Stop telling me the answers!" to the person sitting next to you during a quiz, if you're in a class of some sort. View my profile for a list of articles I have written, am writing, will write. "It's yo' mama!" —Wicket W. Warrick, Star Wars Ep. VI: Return of the Jedi "That guy's wise." —Logray, Star Wars Ep.VI: Return of the Jedi Do You Wanna Date My Avatar? - Felicia Day (The Guild) |
April 20, 2010 - 4:21am | We can't leave out the armpit fart thing... |
 April 20, 2010 - 9:54am | I always liked the "in accordance with the prophesy" one. |
April 20, 2010 - 6:48pm | We can't leave out the armpit fart thing... I just had a vision of a dralasite sitting on a stool, who absorbed his legs and generated all arms and proceeded to perform Betovin's "Ode to Joy" via arm pit farting. I'm sad to say that I actually chuckled at the thought. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
April 21, 2010 - 1:57am | Isn't that what one of the published modules referred to as a "dralasite blow singer"? |
 April 21, 2010 - 3:46pm | I just had a vision of a dralasite sitting on a stool, who absorbed his legs and generated all arms and proceeded to perform Betovin's "Ode to Joy" via arm pit farting. I could see groups of dralasites doing this much like human a cappella groups. I wonder what the teenage dral equivalent of the popular teen vocal groups we recently went through is? I imagine they would do contortions as part of it too. Maybe a blue man body sound theme. But more properly "grey blob" group. -iggy |
 April 22, 2010 - 5:54pm | Jedion and the Back Street Buds. |
April 22, 2010 - 9:09pm | Jedion and the Back Street Buds. didn't they get their start on Frontier Idol? I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
April 23, 2010 - 3:03pm | I would hope that Frontier society is advanced enough to be above the concept of Reality HoloTV.  |
April 23, 2010 - 4:57pm | It was introduced to the frontier as a sathar plot to degrade core race society and deteriorate their ability to think clearly enough to mount a defence against their invasion. |
April 25, 2010 - 2:10am | You know, this list could just as easily be retitled as "101 Ways to Get Out of a Jury Summons"... |
April 25, 2010 - 6:12am | You know, this list could just as easily be retitled as "101 Ways to Get Out of a Jury Summons"... You know about 7-8 years ago I made up a fake identity to register for something on the internet as a security measure (used my wifes maiden name and an assumed male name and our address) to this day we still get jury summons and credit card applications and they followed us to the new address as well! If they ever catch up to Antonio he's going to be in a lot of trouble for blowing off jury duty every year since that time!  Seriously though its kind of scary how we still get the mail for this non existent person. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
April 26, 2010 - 3:32am | Sounds to me like ACORN got a hold of it...check your mailbox for voter registrations lately?  |
