 January 28, 2013 - 7:02am | only got to read the first page because of a very busy schedule but i immediately got the night stalker theme and am hooked i am dying to finish it and will post when i do just wont be soon but looks great so far Sounds like a great job but where did you say we had to go? |
 January 28, 2013 - 7:36am | Yeah they left out my foreword where I credit that great old show. "All similarities are purely intentional" |
 January 29, 2013 - 12:42am | Bilygote, Did I miss a quote? Hmmm, There were several rewrites and edits, probably got lost in translation. I apologize. As editor I would like to give you feedback too, I must have read this story 10 times. I loved it. You keep things moving all through it. Your next one is a blast too. It will be included in Issue #20 which will be out sooner than later. |
 January 29, 2013 - 9:58am | Alright, Billygoat 1. I download but completely missed your story and had to scramble around my files to figure out where it was till Tom Stephens set me right. So this method of getting your fiction delivered to an audience left something to be desired. 2. I dont see that the story required being physically published outside the SFman. For what reason? the main character smoking and drinking? a subject that was grim? I think a disservice was done to your fiction- my opinion. 3. I was prepared to suggest that perhaps an adult magazine might be in order but even as I thought that just adding adult to a magazine's description was likely to attract undesirable elements pushing really graphic and grotesque content. I dunno what to say. I didn't get why this was banished to a closet. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
January 29, 2013 - 12:46pm | The reason was that the graphic drescription of brain extraction (i.e. the in the field documentation of Mr Louman plus the coroner). The input I got was that it may have been too much for younger readers. If you take a look on one of the preceding pages there is a warning that the story may not be for younger readers. But one of the things that I'd like to hear is: do you (the readers) believe there was anything in the story that was not appropriate for younger readers? I'll save my comments on this for later in the feedback posts. Larry & William already have my thoughts on the matter. |
January 30, 2013 - 7:18pm | I welcome any feedback for or against how we presented the fiction.It was stated in the table of contents about the content and also where it could be found. |
February 1, 2013 - 10:21am | @ Jedion: But did you like/not like it? Was there anything that stuck out, good and/or bad? |
February 1, 2013 - 12:52pm | @ Jedion: But did you like/not like it? Was there anything that stuck out, good and/or bad?
I liked the ending and the developing investigation. I thought that if you had other story lines (maybe 2) that may or may not have intertwined with the reporter. That it could have been a novel or novella. I also thought you could have edited it to be a little shorter and get to the reveal faster. Oh yeah I kind of liked that it was the yazirian getting on the dralasite's nerves instead of the other way around which is typical. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
February 1, 2013 - 12:57pm | Also and not to step on peoples toes but to give constructive crit: I think next time the sfman does this they should dress it up more as if its a seperate publication with its own cover and then on the table of contents or letter to the editor page put a picture of the cover and a 2-3 line blub. Like i said i completely missed it this time around. I might not be a dralasite, vrusk or yazirian but I do play one in Star Frontiers! |
 February 1, 2013 - 6:17pm | Okay, finally had a chance to read it (print edition of Frontier Explorer issue 3 is off to the printer for proofing). I thought the story was great. There were some minor editing things that I noticed but that's a minor quibble. I would have no problems letting my 13 year old twin boys or my 16 year old daughter read this. They might go "oooh, gross," at some points but I don't think it was that bad. I probably wouldn't let my 8 (almost 9) year old son read it, but I didn't find it too bloody, gorey, or graphic. As a person familiar with Star Frontiers, I found the species descriptions each time a member of one of the SF species appeared for the first time a bit jarring to the narrative. That said, they were done well and for someone not familiar with SF I think they were good and wouldn't have been an issue. It's just that for me, someone who has been playing off and on for nearly 30 years, they were quite superfluous. Again, just a minor issue and you'll reach a larger audience with them in there. I liked the way it was written as a combination of the reporter narrating into his computer and then shifting to the scenes as they happened. I'll agree with jedion357 that it could have either been shortened just a bit or expanded greatly into a much longer piece. There was definitely potential there for that. I might have stretched out the final fight just a bit to make it more of a struggle between the creature and the reporter one-on-one for a bit longer before the reinforcements arrived. That might also have given you a chance to describe the creature a bit more. Overall, however, it was a great read. Ad Astra Per Ardua! My blog - Expanding Frontier Webmaster - The Star Frontiers Network & this site Founding Editor - The Frontier Explorer Magazine Managing Editor - The Star Frontiersman Magazine |
February 1, 2013 - 7:17pm | Still in a time crunch so quickly: Whoever said this story was bad for younger readers must have been on the campaign to ban Katy Perry from Seaseme Street. I didn't know Vrusk couldn't speak Pan-Galactic and wore poly voxes everywhere. Kolchak wore a straw hat not a fedora It's Dralasite not dralacite Sounds like a great job but where did you say we had to go? |
February 5, 2013 - 7:18am | 1. I don't know the demographics of the readership so I'll defer to the editors. 2. I took literary license with Vrusk speech based on the description in AD. 3. I know Kolchak wears a straw boaters hat, I own the complete series and the 2 made for TV movies. I wanted Khordi to be similar but not the same. IIRC Carl doesn't smoke either. I wanted to capture the spirit of the show, hopefully I accomplished that. 4. I know I caught the error in a previous revision of the story but due to circumstances beyond my control the latest revision of the story wasn't used. I revised the thing 6 times, in fact I usually do multiple revisions of my fiction, that helped to contribute to the confusion. |
February 5, 2013 - 7:26am | @TerlObar: When I write these stories I try to assume that the reader may not be familiar with the SF universe. So I try to be descriptive but not long winded as a race enters the story. |
